Howdy!  Pop open a Shiner and enjoy a little humor at the expense of Texas.  This site is all about Texas and its many, many quirks; they don't say, "Texas, it's like a whole 'nother country" for nothing!  If you can't stand the heat (and there's plenty of it in Texas), then get out of the kitchen.  If you're from Texas and find it as funny as we do, share your stories.

This site is dedicated to those of us from the other 49 states in the Union that have found themselves, for what ever reason, banished to Texas.  So, tell us where you are from, what you miss about your home state and what you think is weird about Texas.

Dallas Leaves, But Will Carry the Torch for Those In Need of an Outlet!
Well, many of you may have noticed that Maddog left me (in Texas)(We're not THAT close a friends)(IloveUMaddog), a while back. In fact, he was only in Texas for about 10 months before he was transferred out. I, on the other hand, have been in Texas for 4 years. However, I am both happy and sad to announce that it is now my turn to depart the great state of Texas. While I am extremely excited to return to my home state, I have made many great friends and enjoyed a multitude of fantastic experiences during my stay. Fear not fellow expatriots, but due to the graces of GoDaddy's auto renewal service and the cries of countless readers, TXSucks.com WILL live on. I will however need some photos and content! Keep it clean, funny and real. Signed, Dallas (not my real name)


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Posted by Dallas and MadDog at
6/12/2008 11:33 PM | View Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (0)
Catch Me if You Can
Yes, that's a cop, on a horse, down town, with a cowboy hat, talking with tourists. I guess it's not that unusual in most cities, but the hat did it for me. I just thought this was funny. I'd love to see him chase down one of the pimped-out, 4x2, SUVs with 20" wheels common in these parts. Signed, Dallas


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Posted by Dallas and MadDog at
5/23/2008 10:13 AM | View Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (0)
Heaven, or HELL?
There's a serious political/religious discussion here that I really don't want to get in to.  Perhaps a kind reader would like to weigh in.  This sticker is on the front door of our favorite Texas restaurant.  I certainly don't hold it against them.  But if God had anything to do with Texas (as the sticker implies), than why is it so DAMN hot?  Seems more like the work of Satan if you ask me.  Signed, Dallas


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Posted by Dallas and MadDog at
5/9/2008 3:12 PM | View Comments (15) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (0)
Christmas Lights
Wow! We are LONG overdue for an entry! Here's, a good one for the obsession catagory. Christmas lights. With a significant lack of snow, many Texans have resorted to LIGHTs; and LOTS of them. Here is a photo of just a few trees on a Texas property that are entirely encrusted with lights. MILLONS of them. The house, the trees, the fence; they'd cover the dog if they could. Signed, Dallas

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Posted by Dallas and MadDog at
4/10/2008 7:31 PM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (0)
REARVIEW MIRROR


You don't know how good it feels to say this, but after being stuck in this god-for-saken state for a year too long I am putting Texas in my rearview mirror. Thank goodness for corporate relocations. If I have learned anything in the last year it is that Texas is way OVERRATED. I am happy to leave it to all those local idiots who claim to love it here (because they haven't had the good fortune of spending time anywhere else); more of it to go around I guess. Look, I don't really have anything against Texas and Texans personally but after living here a year, I just don't understand what all the fuss is about. Sure, it is a big state but so is CA, Florida and Alaska. That doesn't entitle TX to bragging rights. Where I come from you actually have to accomplish stuff and have interesting things to do. HOT, FLAT and BORING doesn't count for much in my book.  I may come back to visit friends on occasion but I can assure you I am not coming back to live. I leave it in your good hands. You can have it. So, farewell and good-riddance.  Signed, MadDog
 
TOP 10 THINGS I WON'T MISS ABOUT TX
10. BIG Hair - No explanation necessary
9. Crappy tasting Water - Nothing should taste that bad
8. Fire Ants - What a total nuisance
7. Scorpions - Just plain creepy
6. The Weather - Pretty disappointing overall (RAIN/HOT/HUMID)
5. TX Roads - Frontage Road System (Is this really their contribution to society?)
4. TX HEAT - Summer shouldn't last 5 months
3. TX Drivers - The worst I have ever seen
2. Austin Traffic - Worse than they say it is
1. TX Bravado - As dumb as the state is big

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Posted by Dallas and MadDog at
5/29/2007 6:48 AM | View Comments (49) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (0)
"Texas" Branding

Must everything be branded as "Texas"?  Here's a simple example.  Bread.  I've seen Texas chili, salsa, beef jerky, "Texas Toast", beer (Budweiser produces a special can for distribution here in Texas), Texas edition cars, Texas jelly beans (they’re really big), but bread? Yea, I know "Every thing is bigger in Texas." but it's just bread!  Signed, Dallas

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Posted by Dallas and MadDog at
2/22/2007 10:12 PM | View Comments (8) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (0)
TX Longhorns

In case you had any doubts.  In case you can't read it, next to the TX state flag it says: "We believe in God, Texas Longhorns and President Bush." BTW, this is not on the back of my car.  Signed, MadDog




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Posted by Dallas and MadDog at
12/17/2006 10:45 PM | View Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (0)
Water Towers

Water Towers - This explains everything.  I have now been in TX for over 6 months and I couldn't figure out why the water tastes like crap, literally.  Well, if you have to store your water in a big metal container and it is getting baked by 100 degree heat for days on end, you get crappy tasting water.  But folks down here have found a secondary and arguably better use for them, namely navigational beacon . . . 'Just turn left at that there water tower'.  Seems to work, but whatever happened to the more traditional N-S-E-W approach?  Only in TX.  Signed, MadDog


 

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Posted by Dallas and MadDog at
9/23/2006 9:12 PM | View Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (0)
Call for Topics
Give us some cannon fodder!  Share your thoughts on topics.  We've got dozens, but what do you have to rant about?


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Posted by Dallas and MadDog at
9/16/2006 7:26 PM | View Comments (19) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (0)
Shootin'
Boy Howdy, check me out!  I went 'shootin' with some of the local boys and participated in a sporting clays event.  There was enough swagger'n going on here to put some runway models to shame.  I had a blast, literally.  Blasting the hell out of a few dozen 'clays' is a great way to let off a little steam.  I have to admit though, I've been bird hunting several times before and I'm not a bad shot, for a yankee.  Signed, Dallas



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Posted by Dallas and MadDog at
9/16/2006 7:16 PM | View Comments (16) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (0)